Saturday, October 18, 2014


"Red Apple Bakery" air freshener.

In the bathroom at work.

This means that when I run in to pee between clients, I start gagging because it smells like someone took a dump on a freshly-baked apple pie.

This is even worse than pine-scented air freshener. Because sometimes you do poop in the woods, but I hope to God nobody shits on apple would be un-American!


*note all the bullet points in the description at the link...much like adding "in bed" to every fortune you find in a cookie, I just add "with shit" to these descriptions.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Post-Blogorado Blues

Thank you to the FarmFamily for again making Blogorado a wonderful experience!

A true respite from the daily grind and an opportunity to spend time with my tribe. For me, the shooting is completely secondary. Don't get me wrong, it's fun, but definitely not as important to me as being with my Peeps! It didn't help that I couldn't seem to hit the broadside of a barn this year...I'll blame it on the wind! It was windy as fuck most of the time we were there, and we won't get into the rain that turned the dirt roads into slick nightmares to navigate in our rental minivan (next year def an SUV!).

Much fun was had eating delicious food, talking smack, and sharing tales of derring-do and Items Removed from Rectums (you had to have been there.)

Quote of the week for me: "My husband will eat my biscuit," which sent even the waitress into spasms of hilarity.

Now I'm back to the grind of school, but already looking forward to next year...

Friday, October 03, 2014

I fucking LOVE living in the future!

I spent 7 hours in the OR today, watching a robot do surgery. So. Cool.

One thing about Ginormous City Hospital (GCH): everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is nice. The head surgeon took off his glove when introduced to me just to shake my hand. He then proceeded to tell me how important the whole team is in the OR, that he couldn't do his job without every single person in there. Very impressive, with none of the arrogance one is led by TV and movies to expect.

I had a truly great experience, but it again reinforced my opinion of OR nursing: incredibly boring and definitely not up my alley at all, as interesting and enjoyable watching the procedure was.

I do hope I get hired at GCH. I have loved that hospital from the first moment I stepped through the doors.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Moar! Clinical! Fun!

I had a much better day at clinical today (*whew*)!


Of course, I cracked my preceptor up by saying, "I have PENIS," before correcting myself quickly and saying, "I have URINE!"

In addition, I did a wound dressing change, observed both a JP drain and a chest tube removal, used a ceiling lift, and wrote a nursing progress note. Among many other things, of course. 12 hours sometimes doesn't seem like enough time.

I also suggested to the doctor removing the chest tube that we raise the patient's bed higher, he was almost bent in half doing his work! These youngsters, gotta look out for 'em.

So, all in all, a very good day. Let's see if I can keep it up! As my clinical instructor said at the beginning of the semester, I should consider this semester one long job interview.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Fun at Clinicals

I just got home from my second hospital clinical session of the semester, and this happened:

1. I dodged flying poo, successfully.

2. My scrubs pocket received a lovely infusion of 5000 units of heparin. Luckily the needle stayed capped.

3. My patient, towards the end of the shift, told me I looked exhausted. That can't be good.

4. I got my period. With a VENGEANCE.

5. Related to 4., one-ply toilet paper in the staff restroom? No bueno!

And I go back this weekend for 24 more hours of fun! But first, I have the introduction and annotated bibliography for my Senior Capstone paper to write...

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Weird Dreams

I had two bizarre dreams last night. In the first, I went to my favorite bowling alley (not that I have one in real life, I haven't been bowling in close to a decade, I'd say...). I was dismayed to find that the bowling alley had decided to feature Nude! Bowling!

I turned around and left, 'cause who wants to see that shit?

In my second dream, Marko came over to my place and commenced house cleaning. I followed him around to make sure he did a good job. No, he wasn't nude. (Get your minds out of the gutter!)

He wasn't wearing a French maid costume, either. Dammit.

My brain is weird. Or maybe it was the antihistamine/decongestant combo I took right before bed.

The Greatest Generation

Recently I had the honor of massaging a lady who was born at the tail-end of WWI (no, I didn't forget an additional capital "i"...) It was her first massage ever, so she was a little nervous and chatted throughout the massage.

She was a gracious, friendly lady who regaled me with snippets of her life's story (we would have been there far longer than an hour had she told me the whole.)

Three things struck me the most:

First, she was incredibly blunt and honest (and funny!)

Second, she told me after the massage that she was going to go home and have a beer.

Third, she gave me the best handshake I've experienced in YEARS. I'm not even joking. When/how did Americans lose the art of the good handshake? Here's a woman closing in on her 100th birthday, and she gave me a better handshake than anyone I've shaken hands with, male/female/young/old, in years.

I think it is an illustration of the decay of American society and good manners. Or maybe I'm just an old fuddy-duddy who lived in Germany too long. But I suspect the first...

Saturday, September 13, 2014

I'm really glad my professional filter works.

As my elderly male client groaned, "Oh, that feels SO GOOD...the deeper you can get the better," the evil little voice in my head snarked, "That's what SHE said!"

It's a good thing my brain-mouth filter has a WORK SETTING.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Conan said it best.

I crushed the HESI exam so hard, I swear I could hear the lamentation of the women...

(feel free to fast-forward to 1:10...)

Yay, one less thing to worry about!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

I'm NOT an Apple FanGrrrrrl...

so why did I dream of Steve Jobs?

I dreamed that I had a severely torn left rotator cuff, and Steve Jobs had healing hands, which he laid on my shoulder. I turned to him and said, "I can HEAR the buzzing!"

His hands were indeed buzzing, and hot, and they healed my rotator cuff perfectly in a couple minutes. Then I woke up. Weird. I didn't even get to say thank you!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014


Welcome to perimenopause. FML.